I often hear people say, “Well, my will power just wained” or “I just don’t have the will power to stop smoking”. Will power is about forcing yourself to do something you don’t really want to do. With gritted teeth and irritability I hear people scream “I’m going to lose that weight, stop smoking, start running, etc, etc, etc, in the new year, next week, tomorrow, next month, when I reach forty” …need I go on!

But does will power work? There is little doubt that will power can help you achieve goals, even where the process of achieving those goals are somewhat painful. Ask any marathon runner that question!

But will power only gets you so far. You’re unlikely to accomplish anything requiring prolonged effort if you rely solely on will power. There’s only so much “willing” most people can do. Many end up unconsciously slipping into old behaviours. Will power starts us on path to yet another self-fulfilling prophecy of the ‘I can’t do it any longer, I just haven’t got the will power’, and as a result, most dieters end up breaking their diets, most couch-potatoes end up back on the couch and most ‘I’m going to get fit in the New Year’ fanatics are still paying expensive membership fees and probably won’t visit the place again this year!. When the will power wanes and the old behaviours return, this perpetuates the endless cycle of worthlessness! I’m tired just typing that last paragraph!

Does anyone identify with this pattern?

It does not have to be this way and yes, there are many different ways of achieving and maintaining change in your life. However, this is the catch – your unconscious mind or subconscious as it is sometimes referred, is the gatekeeper. Henry Ford purported a saying that’s now become famous… “whether you think you can or you cannot, you are right”. Your unconscious is very sensitive and reactive to your thoughts. Henry Ford obviously knew this all those years ago.

If you are unsure about all this, then do this simple exercise and find out for yourself…

• Stand upright with your feet approximately 8-10 inches apart.
• Look directly ahead with your body feeling balanced and your arms at your sides.
• Say to yourself over and over in your mind or out loud, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, (you could even add an emphatic Harry met Sally moment if you wish!)
• Notice what you notice about your body, feel its natural movement and momentum and what is happening?

Now, what did you have for breakfast this morning? Just a question to break your state.

Repeat the same procedure as above, yet this time say to yourself over and over in your mind or out loud, No!, No!, No!, No!… and again, what can you notice that your body naturally wants you to do?

If you have done this correctly, then you should have noticed that when you were repeating the word ‘Yes’, your body swayed forward in momentum, even though you were standing. If you also had someone watch from the side, they can also notice the forward sway.

When repeating the word ‘No’, your body had a natural change in direction, almost like gravity pulling you backwards.

Your body and unconscious mind knows instinctively what is good for it and what isn’t. This method can be tested with foods by asking something like “Is that pasty okay for me to eat?” Really notice and get in tune with what your body is saying to you and pay attention! It can also be done with situations or anything else you may be unsure of. What this technique can do is test if certain foods, drinks, skin rubs, are toxic for you in any way. Pretty cool huh!

So, no more excuses, test your body and mind before having that unhealthy snack, pint of lager, extra cake etc. Remember to do this and it becomes automatic, unconscious behaviour after a short period of time.

Yes words, good feelings, positive thoughts, taking action towards your goals unconsciously propel you forward, be this in time, in your life, or onto your next step. These words have literal meanings to your unconscious mind, so be good to your unconscious mind, treat it well, nurture your thoughts and reap the rewards of many things you are to discover about yourself now, it may even happen quicker than you think!!

Thank you for reading and enjoy.

Karen

In other words, keep doing the same thing and you’ll probably get the same results.  If you were climbing a mountain and discovered on the first or second climbs where all the dangers were lurking, what would you do?…OR I’m wondering if you can wonder, “what kind of person am I”?… one that would find other, alternative routes, even if this meant taking a few risks or unknown territory or are you the type that would grit your teeth and repeat the same route no-matter how many times you tripped and fell,  stubborn to your detriment, possibly ending up tired and confused wondering why it’s all so difficult.  Telling yourself you can’t do it, it’s too hard!   

Hmmm, I know which one I would rather be!  Many of our behaviours are so ingrained and carried out unconsciously that we have taught them to become part of our make-up, to the extent that I often hear in the therapy room, ‘well that’s just the way I am’.  The words ‘I am’ are portrayed as ‘I am my behaviours and these are set in stone’.  However, we are more than our behaviours and yes, they can be changed!  You have learned them in the first place hav’n't you?  So, they can be unlearned! 

Now, this requires some focus and effort, but then if you’ve been attempting to climb the mountain the wrong way, then what have you got to lose by changing and what can you gain by undertaking some change works? 

 A good start is to:  A) Write down all the things you will no longer accept or tolerate in your life.  B) Write down all the things that you aspire to becoming.   C) Make a decision NOW to STOP doing those things.

Do not allow any negative thoughts/beliefs to get in the way of this exercise.  Remove those self-imposed hurdles NOW! 

Has there ever been a time in your life where you thought or believed you couldn’t do something and you did?  Well that proves our beliefs are often wrong…in fact, I hate to admit it, but I’ve often had times when I have been wrong, when I believed I couldn’t so something, worried myself about it over a period of time and it all went smoothly and even better than I had ever could have entertained.  The point I am making here is that the story I kept telling myself, about what I believed I couldnt do, was not a true reflection of my true capability.  This distorted reality was past and old beliefs re-surfacing into the present.  Thank goodness that today I know better! 

The PAST does NOT equal the future!  Projecting negative beliefs or past experiences into todays reality often = PAIN!  Do you really want more of this?  No I expect not! 

Start 2010 with a new, positive attitude and state of mind! 

Your life can change for the better the moment you stop believing your own negativity and decide to climb the mountain a different way…or the moment you realise you didn’t need to climb it anyway and that you can go around…who ever said you needed to climb it in the first place?! 

You have the choice, do what you’ve always done, or set your goals for example, personal, professional, financial, relational and take POSITIVE action and start to work towards them.  If you wait for opportunities to present themselves, you may be waiting awhile!   Please don’t try to be perfect and worried about making mistakes.  There is no failure, only feedback!  Utilise YOUR results, whatever they may be, and use it to your advantage!

Goals in themselves are the start…ACTION is what is going to take you there to your destination! 

You can take action by imagining your goals to be like taking a journey…

First decide on your destination.

Decide what direction you want to go in.

 How you are going to get there?

At what speed can you do this?  (Can depend on the size of the goal)

What mode of transport can you take?  (If the goal/s need to be undertaken quickly, then what form of action will take you there quicker) 

Approximate period of time it takes to reach your destination (GOAL!).  (Be realistic NOW!) 

More on this subject in the New Year! Thank you for taking the time to read, but be good to yourself and do more than that! 

I wish everyone a very Happy New Year and a prosperous 2010. 

Make 2010 the year where you are taking action to get the life you deserve! 

My very best wishes,

Karen Brown    

I work with many people who experience an array of different difficulties and problems in life.  I acknowledge their pain and struggles and often experience a similar feeling of those the client describes.  As an empathic therapist, how could I not;  however, somewhere between that pain and suffering, we often find something to laugh about.   Now, I do not mean that I reel off jokes to those I am privaledged to work with, and whom walk in the door deeply troubled or distressed and I make light of it.

One lady I worked with entered the room clearly quite low in mood and considering returning to old destructive behaviours.   We utilised a technique where she could fast forward a point in the future, see how she wanted it to be, feel what she wanted to feel,  hear the sounds of those around her, imagining fully the scene in her mind and then we worked back through each step along the way of what she considered she can do to achieve her goal, including what happens next upon achieving her goal.  Her whole body and demeanour began to lift , her head was held higher and we had a lot of fun going through the steps, even a lttle jigging in the room.  There was also a lot of humour on both sides whilst doing this.

Towards the end of the session, I checked out what she was noticing and she reported she felt great, happier and more energised.  Wow!  She had done the change works, not me and even congratulated herself on doing it!

At the next session, she reported that throughout the next week she had already started a couple of those things she said she could do, had seen the people she said she was going to see, was not procrastinating over things and ultimately, found herself smiling so much more throughout the week, even the thought of the session brought a smile!  How fabulous is that!

The Link Between Laughter and Mental Health

Laughter can dissolve distressing situations:

Physiologically, you cannot feel anxious, angry or sad when you’re laughing.

Laughter helps you relax and re-charge your systems:

It reduces stress and increases energy, enabling you to stay focused and potentially accomplich more.

Humour Shifts Perspective:

This allows us to take a step back from the situation and helps us to see or view things in a more realistic light or less threatening light.  Psychological distance is created when we can adopt a humorous perspective, which can help us avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Just before I finish this particular blog, please ask yourself the question:  What’s the funniest thing that happened to you TODAY, THIS WEEK, IN YOUR LIFE?   And simply notice what you notice about yourself as you do this now!

More on laughter and the benefits of it can be found at
http://stress.about.com/od/stresshealth/a/laughter.htm

Makes for some interesting and fun reading!

Karen Brown

Clinical Hypnotherapist; Psychotherapist/Counsellor; Neuro-Linguist

A HUGE thank you to Simon Pollard, who built this site. Simon, you have done a fab job of turning this magical mystery tour of an idea into reality. Simon, you are truly a wonderful guy!

Also, to Tim Holden who designed the graphics and my logo. Thank you Tim for your ideas and passing them on to me to show to the world!

Ok, so I’m fast approaching an oscar type speech here now on this first post, however, I’m sending a wintry warm thank you to my friends and family who have provided me with feedback about the building of the site and graphics along the way! See you all at Christmas and or New Year for some fun and laughter!

Karen